March 6, 2006

Keeping Our Priorities Straight In Tennessee

Hey, Tennesseans! Better stock up on sex toys now in Tennessee, before they're illegal. One day soon, we'll have to ask a doctor for a prescription to get a vibrator, or make midnight runs over the border to Kentucky (that den of vice and debauchery) to get a dildo. In case you wanted one, for, you know, gardening.

You can read the text of this proposed law here. You can track its progress through the Legislature here. Or, you can send e-mail to the sponsors of the bill, Rep. Eric Swafford (R-Pikeville) and Sen. Charlotte Burks (D-Monterey/Cookeville). Go on. Let 'em know how grateful you are for their efforts to protect you from yourself and your chosen sex partner -- and how happy their constituents will be to find that their power has been delegated to people who want to create a black market for butt plugs.


Anonymous said...

So does this mean that I should start a Tennessee business selling plastic cucumbers and chickens?

After all, those are decorative items to adorn the kitchen. If they have vibrating devices to increase their usefulness (provided as massage devices, of course), would that mean I had violated the law?

Oh, and by the way, would the plastic cucumber have to be green, or shaped exactly like a cucumber? The same with the chicken (assume color changes).

Does this mean that gear shifters in cars and hot tub jets (yes there are recorded cases!) are banned devices?

When are crazed, religious fanatics going to realize that they can't legislate morality without looking stupid?

Anonymous said...

If this passes, someone's going to make a fortune selling little stickers that say "massager" to stick on the dildo boxes.

I am amused by the idea of a pink "cucumber" "massager". For the gardener in your life, right?