Super Bowl Halftime Entertainment

Here's the recent history:

2001: Aerosmith (and guests)
2002: U2
2003: Shania Twain (and guests)
2004: Janet Jackson And Her All-Star Nipple
2005: Paul McCartney
2006: The Rolling Stones
2007: Prince (and guests)
2008: Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
2009: Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band
2010: The Who
2011: Black Eyed Peas (and guests)
 With the exception of 2004, there was an unbroken string on what seemed like they would have been really good acts. In fact, the Janet Jackson halftime show was actually pretty good, as these things go, up until the Justin Timberlake song which I didn't much care for in the first place and which everyone forgot because it came punctuated by a split-second glance at an attractive woman's BOOBIE!OMFGwereallgonnadie concealed by a pasty as if the nation had nothing else to worry about in 2004 other than that. Prince was quite entertaining for the likes of me, but probably a bit subversive for mainstream America. The Who was a little disappointing last year, starting strong but by the end of their set, Roger Daltrey looked like he needed to go take a nap.

Still, this is a pretty consistent record of high-quality acts delivering solid musical entertainment in a compressed amount of time and with an unlimited budget for showmanship. So let's grant that with acts like Springsteen, Petty, Prince, the Stones, and McCartney to follow, the bar was set pretty high. Disappointing would have been easy. Yet despite the understandable potential to have underwhelmed, somehow the musical acts supporting this year's big game found a way to come in below expectations.
 This year, it was bad enough when Christina Aguilera botched up the lyrics of the national anthem -- and then they went ahead and did the obviously lip-synched performance with the botched lyrics. You could tell it was lip-synched because her voice had the same volume no matted how far away she held the mic from her mouth. The fact that it was lip-synched means that they could have done another take if they'd card about getting the lyrics to the national anthem correct, but obviously they didn't. At least they made her take all the hardware out of her nose in order to clear security. 

But then, we got the Black Eyed Peas at halftime. This left me wishing quietly that the NFL had gone instead with a return engagement of "Up With People." Will.i.am can't sing without autotune, Fergie can't sing period (or at least didn't, judging by her cover of "Sweet Child O'Mine" in which Slash got dredged out of the 1990's to stand there and play the same eight notes over and over and over and over again), and I have no idea what those other two guys were even doing out there because it didn't even sound like rap, much less singing. Based on how they were all dressed, I kept on hoping for Rinzler to show up and take care of business for us but there was no relief until the teams re-took the field and we could return to football.

Next year, they could do better with Kermit the Frog leading a sing-along of "The Rainbow Connection" and "It's Not Easy Being Green." I wrote that as a joke, but actually, that might be a lot fun suitable for the whole family to enjoy. And really, it's no worse an idea than a halftime show starring "Indiana Jones."

I don't think there's all that many singers out there who would do something like this song today. So many of them are auto-tuned into oblivion and don't invest the time into learning how to use their voices like musical instruments -- much less writing lyrics like this.

A Little Black Book With Me Poems In't

Should I admit that I took the time to listen to Pink Floyd's The Wall tonight? That I did it sober? Well, I did. I hadn't listened to the whole album all the way through since law school at the latest, so that's at least fifteen years.

Now, you're absolutely right to roll your eyes: The Wall is narcissistic, self-absorbed, and periodically juvenile. But it's also a brilliant piece of music. Really good orchestration and arrangements, really good use of the dubs and audio-dissolves, Roger Waters giving his all on vocals and David Gilmour giving the best guitar work of his career. And linked together in what turns out to be a coherent and viable, if not always blindingly obvious, arc of a story that rushes forward with a relentless momentum, which is how I found myself sucked in to listening to the whole thing instead of only one or two songs as I'd originally intended.

Another Brick In The Wall Part 2 is the famous song with the "We don't need no education" lyric, but Another Brick In The Wall Parts 1 and 3 are much more scary and musically interesting. You'll remember the other big hits, like Young Lust and Comfortably Numb. But the less famous songs -- Goodbye Blue Sky, Waiting For The Worms, Mother, and Empty Spaces -- are really, really good, especially in the context of the album's overall story arc. As to that narrative, I won't believe that life as a rock star sucks so badly that it drove Roger Waters insane, although the drugs may have played a part in that. And all the drugs may have unleashed some serious creativity, because the story arc holds together nicely from beginning to end.

By the way, did you know that Toni Tennille -- yes, of Captain & Tennille -- did backup vocals on The Wall?

For Your Listening Pleasure

Jeff Beck and Joss Stone.

There's something quite nice about British musicians playing American blues.

Who Really Rules Retail?

The Wife and I took a trip to a nearby town to, among other things,do some shopping. In every store we visited, they played Gipsy Kings over the stores' music systems. Now I think I know how to play the guitar in Spanish.

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.3

Good Message, Good News

Dexter McCluster, an early prospect for NFL rookie of the year, is to be praised for offering his time and his new-found fame to get the word out in this PSA:

I heartily agree with the message, even if laws trying to enforce the issue seem to be counterproductive. Don't text and drive. Eyes on the road, hands on the wheel. Nothing texted to you can possibly be so important that it's worth the loss of a human life, possibly your own.

It's also good news for the Kansas City Chiefs. Kanye West and Nelly don't have too much competition to worry about here, so McCluster is unlikely to be lured away from the Chiefs by a lucrative record deal any time soon.

An Analogy

Rolling Stones : INXS :: Beatles : ???

I said "U2." Is there a better answer?

Published with Blogger-droid v1.6.0

And It Works, Bitches

What Blogging Is All About

What I love about blogging is finding people who comment on weird combinations of interesting things.  Like the impact of facial hair on Presidential politics -- it's not a decisive advantage either way, but Republicans are always more hirsute than Democrats.  Or whether Cal-OSHA should mandate the use of condoms during the filming of adult movies.  Or finding a mash-up of Battlestar Galactica and the Beastie Boys:

It's the juxtaposition of differing areas of life that makes blogs so interesting to read.  Sometimes I just love the internet SO DAMN MUCH!

Norwegian Curling Pants

I want me some Norwegian curling pants,
'Cuz then I could go for the gold.
They got room to do the M.C. Hammer dance,
I got moves that never get old.

I love the argyle of white, blue, and red,
And fame from using a broom.
I'll let my ancestry go to my head,
And wear them from Oslo to Khartoum.*

With those pants, I could dress like a king
And no one would notice my mole.
The dry cleaner would always know they're my thing,
And my wife says they'd be great birth control.


* "Khartoum"?  Really?  You don't think you could have come up with a more artificial rhyme than that, TL?

Now I Know What It Sounds Like To My Cousins When I Talk To My Wife

Well, maybe not exactly what they think we sound like, but the singer is intentionally trying to sound like an English speaker, I think an American, without actually using any real English. Over at LGM, a commenter correctly identified the artist as Adriano Celentano, who is a huge Elvis fan, and you can kind of hear the influence in the song.  I think it's damn catchy.

Towards Thirty Seconds

There are people who are obsessed with all sorts of obscure things.  Like paper planes.  I like paper planes too.

Weekend Weirdness, Volume X

To begin this tenth edition of Weekend Weirdness, I give you tens.

Tens of weird commercials.

Ten half minutes of a guy in a chicken suit playing "What is Love?" from Ring Mod on Vimeo.

Okay, "ten half minutes" is really "five minutes" but that didn't fit into my "ten" motif and I wasn't going to watch that chicken for ten whole minutes. But, I've got a graphical depiction of at least ten ways you can die in the United States, sorted by county.

And ten hot people involved in the Tiger Woods sex scandal.  I don't care what they say about the Perkins waitress, I think she's cute.  Bonus in the link -- these guys think every song Sarah McLachlan has ever written is about college football which, if you're obsessed with college football, might not be such a great stretch.  (See, it's "Fumbling Towards Ecstasy," right?  Her biggest single is all about "Possession."  How about them lyrics -- "Hold on to yourself, 'cause this is gonna hurt like hell" could easily be a threat from a linebacker to a quarterback.)

Weekend Weirdness, Volume VII

Yeah, I pretty much took off the weekend, except to talk about food.  But I wasn't going to leave you without your weirdness.  100% apolitical this weekend.

Consider, for example, the transvestite (female dressing as male) jazz musician who over the course of 54 years fooled at least two wives and three girlfriends in bed, one of whom thought she had been impregnated by her husband.

A better bar bet than "Albuquerque."  Home of the Indians!

Having trouble with your take-aways?  Call 911!

More zombies.  Like cowbell, you can never have too many zombies.

If you don't like your creepiness urban and English-speaking, may I suggest a visit to La Isla de la Munecas?

Stop.  Hammertime!

Good design isn't just for cheese-eaters any more -- it's a national security issue.  The "eye watching you" is not a "really comforting feeling," by the way.

Finally, one guy figured out yet another way to piss off his annoying neighbors.

The Most Bizarre Commercial Ever

So strange, I just plain couldn't wait for the weekend to share.  I give you -- Milkquarious.

It's a rock opera.  With so-bad-it's-good bad music.

It's quite funny. "Way over the top" funny.

I think it's at least half an hour long.  I haven't had the patience to sit through the whole thing.

And amazingly, it's an advertisement.

Whatever Happened to Bill?

Bill S. Preston, "Esq." was the partner of Ted Logan in the rock group Wyld Stallyns, who were so awesome they literally saved the world. That is, in the movie Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure.  The character of Ted Logan was played by a guy who has had, um, some success since then. But one of the most often-asked questions by movie afficionados is, "Whatever happened to that guy who played Bill?"

The answer is, he's doing just fine even if he isn't quite as famous as that other guy. Alex Winter has done a smattering of acting since his claim to fame and its wrteched sequel.  But he's had quite a bit of work behind the camera, as a director and producer.  The bulk of his work is music videos and commercials, splitting his time between London and the USA.  He's helped produce and direct a couple of movies and a series for MTV that earned critical acclaim but not great box office success.  He's currently working on remaking Rock N' Roll High School. Which seems to be pretty much going full circle back to Wyld Stallyns.

By the way, "Wyld Stallyns" is still one of the most popular names for cover bands around the country. Just do a Google search and see for yourself.

Oy, It's The Bee-Tuhlls Flowchart!

Hat Tip To PodCatBlack, who thought to start a fight with it and did. But it's not the kind of fight you might think.

Weekend Weirdness, Volume II

I quite enjoyed last week's Saturday compliation of the weirdest things I've come across on the Intertubes.  So here's this week's installment.

Let's start with some big critters.  I don't know why but the cow is somehow more impressive than the pigs.  And if that doesn't freak you out, I bet this will.

Here's a large sample platter of assorted cheesiness.  Much of it remarkably well-preserved from my youth.

Then, God prefers atheists.  Here's why: unlike some folks, atheists tend to not be inconsistently paranoid about bar codes.

Carving a pumpkin this weekend?  I thought my idea of a Roswell alien on an oval gourd was creative but it turns out there's a few levels above that.

Danii Minogue attacks a man while swimming in the Great Barrier Reef.  I think this was supposed to be a humor column but if so it falls short of the mark.

Eat your heart out, Jerry Bruckheimer.

A profoundly bad idea, mass-produced in plastic.

Sports Psychology

Speaking of sports, though, I had a great insight today from a colleague:  people who like sports are distinguished from people who don't like sports based on their relative comfort level with ambiguous rules. 

See, as we grow and develop, we come to understand that there are rules in the world, and we also perceive that sometimes those rules are applied flexibly or selectively.  Most of us find this unjust and unfair in some way, usually when we are on the bad end of the disparity -- or when someone else is on the good end and gets a reward or benefit that we are denied.  We all internalize and accept the notion that the world just isn't fair, in our own ways and at our own paces.  But maybe some of us long for a really fair world to a degree that others do not.

Those who have that strong desire for fairness, that strong desire for certainty, that need to know who wins and who loses, find themselves more attracted to sports than their opposite numbers.  In sports, there are rules, damnit.  In baseball, if the ball goes outside the base line, it's foul, whether you're Milt Pappas or Frank Robinson.  In (American) football, if you goe outside the line with the ball, the clock stops whether you're Randy Moss or Joe Shit the Ragman.  If you drive the ball into the water, that's a one-stroke penalty.  Doesn't matter if you're Tiger Woods.  Maybe the rule isn't fair, maybe it isn't the best possible rule, but the rule is the rule.  You have certainty.  And almost all the time, you wind up with a winner and a loser.

Even if the refs make a bad call, you know where you stand. And for the most part, the rules are at least aimed at creating a system where there is a pretense of fair play and evenhandedness in dispensing and administering the rules.  Something in the sports fan hungers for that kind of regimentation, that kind of structure, in contrast to the  way that the non-sports fan is comfortable with ambiguity in the structure and administration of rules.

In real life, if you have a disagreement with someone else and you walk away, you may tell yourself you got the better of the exchange, but your counterpart is probably telling herself the same thing and there is no third party to pronounce one side or the other the winner.  In sports, though, the rules discourage and in most cases prohibit disputes resulting in a draw. Particularly here in hyper-competitive America,  the prevalence of tie scores in soccer (European/global football) is probably the biggest reason why that sport has not ever really taken off in a big way here.  The NHL stopped having tie games, going to a shootout format if games are still tied after overtime.  Major League Soccer would be well-advised to do something similar.  Whether your team wins or loses, there is a result.  Once again, you know where you stand and that is something of a consolation no matter what that standing might be. 

My response to this concept was that in the world of music, there are a lot of different genres and ways to perform -- and listen -- to music.  Some people find themselves gravitating to musical forms like jazz and free-form hip-hop.  These are the same people who find themselves indifferent to sports and for the same reason -- they are comfortable with the unstructured, improvised structures of that genre of music.  But others find themselves enjoying, whether consciously or not, the structure of forms of music like rock and roll, old-school rap, or classical music.  My colleague got the concept right away; it is the same mental dynamic.

All of this is a bunch of tendencies and gross generalizations, of course.  But I think there's some meat on those bones.

The fact that rock and classical music tend to have larger audiences than jazz, and the fact that there seem to be more sports fans than non-sports fans, suggests that more people desire certainty and structure in the rules that govern the world around them than there are people who are willing to navigate the world with improvised and unstructured rules.

It's natural to read something like this and react that, "Well, I'm not really like that, so there must be a flaw with this."  And maybe there is -- but I think everyone's reflexive response to that sort of generalization is to resist it and that's probably a mistake.  Be willing to at least consider the possibility that one or the other kind of personality trait may actually be subsumed within your psyche and that your preference for (or apathy towards) sports or certain kinds of music may be a reflection of your comfort or discomfort with ambiguously-administered rules.

It's a good launching point for introspection about your subconscious attitudes towards authority, even if you ultimately conclude that my colleague and I are quite full of it.  (You wouldn't be the first to think that about either of us and I promise, we're not offended.)

All Kinds Of Teh Crazee

For your bemusement on a Saturday, and because you're probably tired  by now of Meghan McCain's breasts and wondering whether the saga of Balloon Boy was a hoax, I offer a smörgåsbord of internet-based bizarreness:

Lady Gaga is really the Illuminati flaunting their control over you.

At last! "Scientific" demonstration of Jesus' divinity, proven by the fact that God exists.  (Why hadn't that ever occurred to me?  Oh, that's right, it's because I've avoided falling into the intellectual rabbit-hole of Platonic meta-idealism.)

Condoleeza Rice shatters the stereotype.

Behold, The Future!  Here is what life will be like in the distant year of 2010!  Wait, that's not the future, it's right now.  Only back then it was the future.  Oh, this is getting confusing....

Equally paradoxical, this bordello gives you a discount if you come on a bicycle.  I know, I shouldn't work blue because kids could read this.  But if you get the double entendre, it wasn't me that polluted your mind.

And finally, a challenge for armchair archaeologists:  separate the hoaxes from real artifacts!  Hint: consider historical patterns of climate change.