June 12, 2009

If I Could Have A Day With The Stanley Cup

Each player on the team that wins the Stanley Cup famously gets to spend a day with it. And you also get the company of a "keeper," who is basically a roving curator from the Hockey Hall of Fame, whose job it is to see to it that Lord Stanley's Cup remains safe during your time with it.

Some odd things happen to the oldest and most venerated trophy in sports -- it has been placed in a Finnish sauna; found its way to the bottom of a swimming pool; has been used as a bowl to serve (among other things) Froot Loops, dog food, and ice cream; used as a baptismal font; and as one might imagine, has seen frequent use as an actual cup, from which beer, champagne, and other frequently alcoholic beverages are consumed at backyard barbeques, taverns, parties, social events, and of course, strip joints. None of this strikes me as particularly irreverent -- the Cup is about sports and fun. Somewhat more charitable or civic-minded players have auctioned off some of their time with the Cup to charitable events or used it as a morale-booster for Canadian military troops deployed overseas.

The original cup, commissioned by Frederick Stanley, 1st Baron Stanley of Preston, 16th Earl of Derby and Lord Stanley of Victoria, and the sixth Governor General of Canada, is not what is on the NHL trophy, and sits permanently in a vault in the Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto.

If I got to have the Cup, what would I do with it? It stands about three feet high and weighs more than 35 pounds, what with all the bands put on it for the many years it has borne the names of the players who have won it. It sounds like an ideal dispenser for cold bottled beverages at a party.

There is no more intense event in all of sports than game seven of the Stanley Cup playoffs. The puck drops tonight at five o'clock in Detroit, and the line is 1.5 for Pittsburgh.

June 11, 2009

I Believe It To Be The Best Blog Post Headline Yet Written

Better than a FARK headline, courtesy of Patrick at Popehat.

Bud Light Uses Porn To Market Itself

The commercial is hilarious in the way only beer commercials can be. Wrong on every level. Not safe for work. Inappropriate for children (and also teenagers, and also adults, and also pretty much anyone at all). So of course I'll embed it right here for your viewing pleasure since I know you won't be able to resist playing it at work right when the boss comes around your cubicle:


If this had been in a Will Ferrell, Farrelley Brothers, or Judd Apatow movie, it would be a standout sequence.

Now, I'm not sure that this is quite the image that the manufacturer wants to associate with its product, but like many products, beer is often sold simply by brand awareness, so mentioning the product anywhere in something that stands out in the memory is the real goal of the advertisement. So it gets a thumbs-up there, too. Time Magazine says that it's actually been available on the Net since February but only recently gone viral enough to reach the public radar.

In any event, it's a very funny bit of commercial storytelling. One you won't see on television but can see here.

Rhetoric and Violence

Obviously, the Holocaust Museum murders yesterday were awful. They were the act of a deranged individual acting on hateful beliefs and the only consolation for the deaths of innocent people is that their murderer was swiftly neutralized and will do no harm to anyone else ever again. It is difficult to muster any sympathy for the killer, who seems to have gone out of his way in his lifetime to have made himself a despicable individual before confirming that with the bitter manner of his exit.

The issue, though, is not horror and shock and condemnation of the murders. The question is whether this guy was some kind of a militant right-winger in addition to being a white supremacist; whether he was pushed over the edge, in whole or in part, by intemperate rhetoric; whether his actions vindicate the DHS report forecasting domestic terrorism by right-wingers upset at the direction of the political tide.

I must conclude that, in this case, no evidence is offered to support these more recent propositions. This guy was a kook, plain and simple; the fact that he was a kook of a flavor that shifted more right than left is largely irrelevant. It's worth noting that in addition to drinking from the Obama birth truther kool-aid, he also wrote extensively of his hatred of George W. Bush, John McCain, and neo-conservatives. The DHS warned of embittered veterans returning from Iraq and Afghanistan engaging in domestic terrorism -- this guy was in his eighties and had not served in many years. Lack of sympathy to Jews and Israel is a problem shared by the left more than the right; the weirdo right wingers in this country embrace Israel as a friend (in part because they want to see Israel go through its prophesied conversion to Christianity as part of the events of the End Days). Anti-Semitism and holocaust denial are nutty extremes of thought that can be found on either end of the political spectrum. It is Democrats and not Republicans who have been faster to hold Israel to task for its overstepping of boundaries along the road map to peace by creating West Bank settlements. And this guy's particular brand of kookiness comes from stuff that is very old indeed, and has little to do with the wingnuttery floating around these days.

Which is not to say that intemperate rhetoric (from either side of the spectrum) is welcome or a happy addition to the wares available in our marketplace of ideas. Nor is it to say that anti-Semitism is not a problem, or that all conservatives can be exonerated from anti-Semitism by virtue of their conservatism. And it does not refute the DHS's foreboding prediction. If anything, the recent murder of Dr. Tiller, the abortion-providing doctor in Kansas, vindicates the DHS prediction of right-wing domestic terrorism. That crime is more fairly called domestic terrorism since the shooter in that case is quite explicit about his desire for his action to change behavior on the part of others (to make them stop performing abortions) and law (to make abortions illegal).*

No, what happened in Washington yesterday was a simple crime, not an act of terrorism. Crime is very much on the decline in this country and has been for a long time. But we will never be free of it. No society on Earth is now or has ever been free from violent crime and we have no reason to predict a future in which it will ever be different, no matter what laws we pass or what miracles technology brings or how economic conditions change. We can look out for one another and try to be active about getting people who seem to be on the edge steered towards professional help so they do not engage in violence. We can try to identify such people and even gun rights advocates would not object to keeping firearms out of the hands of the mentally imbalanced. In other words, all we can do is our best.

I offer small consolation here to the loved ones of yesterday's murder victims, I realize. My sympathy for them is very real. What I'm hoping to point out is that this act of violence is probably not appropriate to consider as a sigificant political event; this was not domestic terrorism. It was a violent, senseless murder. An awful, terrible event. And so are murders committed during bank robberies and drug deals gone bad. The pain of the victims of those "ordinary" murders is no less real than the pain felt by the survivors of yesterday's victims.

And if it was intended to be political, then isn't the ultimate delivery of failure to a terrorist the act of disregarding him as politically irrelevant?


* That, in turn, does not mean that other pro-life advocates are similarly criminals; there is nothing illegal about their use of words to advocate political change even if their goals coincide with that of Tiller's assassin. Bullets are different than words and we ought to punish their use to effect domestic political change.

June 10, 2009

My Ongoing Gripe About Online Yellow Pages

I know perfectly well that there is an Eye Exam 2000 in the mall in Palmdale, and that's where I want to go to get my eyes checked out this weekend because I have had this sore on my eye for about four weeks now. So I figure I'll call them up, make an appointment, and go.

Now, Eye Exam 2000 couldn't possibly have a frickin' website to tell me what their frickin' phone number is so I can make a frickin' appointment to go see them and give them my frickin' money. Oh, no. A Google search points me to an Eye Exam 2000 franchise in frickin' Sun Valley, Idaho. They must be using the "Maneuver X" method of web presence advertising -- make your customer go on a frickin' internet-wide scavenger hunt armed only with clues left in rhyming riddles written in archaic languages in order to find the remotest shred of information that you even frickin' exist, and that way once your customer does find you, you'll have the most loyal frickin' customer in the whole frickin' world.

You may only get one customer this way as opposed to many customers, but hey, every sales approach has its downside.

So I go to yellowpages.com and look for optometrists in Palmdale, California. Bear in mind that while the Antelope Valley certainly isn't as big a metropole as Los Angeles, I nevertheless do live in a community of more than 400,000 people within a ten-mile radius, with its own minor-league baseball team, and more to the point, not one but two branches of the particular business I'm looking for. This is suburbia, exurbia at worst. It's not the Australian outback.

The results of my search for optometrists in Palmdale, presented in the order given are as follows:

A generic link to the website for Pearle Vision Express. No address.
A generic to the website for Sears Optical. No address. (I happen to know that the Sears in the mall in Palmdale has no branch of Sears Optical.)
Optometrist #1, 28089 Smyth Dr Valencia, CA 91355.
Optometrist #2, 1032 N Hollywood Way Burbank, CA 91505.
Optometrist #3, 622 W DUARTE RD Arcadia, CA 91007.
Optometrist #4, 924 N Citrus Ave Covina, CA 91722.
Optometrist #5, 14147 Pipeline Ave Chino, CA 91710.
Optometrist #6, 1301 7th St Wasco, CA 93280.
(end page 1 of 1).

No hits at all in Palmdale. The nearest hit is more than forty miles away.

This is effin' useless. CostCo has an optometrist whose number I found in under two seconds, and I'll bet they're cheaper than the place in the mall anyway, as are the contact lenses they will sell me.

Eye Exam 2000, the difficulty I encountered in getting your phone number on the web has now cost you my business, which is going elsewhere.

Life Guided By Fallacies

Techskeptic has a nice thought on what it is to be a "denialist." It is, in essence, an approach to an unpleasant subject guided by the Nirvana fallacy. He writes of those who would deny global warming, but his thought seems to apply to a periennial exchange with which I am more familiar: evolution.

The fossil record does not, upon examination, produce an exactly-as-expected picture of smooth transitions from one form of an organism to another form; there are gaps and few transitions. Therefore, because the evidence is not precisely as evolution would have predicted, evolution is false. Frequently from there, other logical errors come in to play -- since evolution has been "proven" false, creationism is therefore proven true.

One might be surprised, unpleasantly, to learn how often poor logic like this is used in the law. And in a great many other human endeavors. I'd venture to say that for a lot of people, significant portions of their lives are guided by fallacious thinking.

June 9, 2009

On The Founders' Religion

After a fair amount of research for my book project touching on this subject, it has become apparent that several of the prominent Founders whose religious identification are hotly debated today -- most prominently Thomas Jefferson and George Washington, and also Benjamin Franklin and even John Adams -- took pains to obscure their personal religious beliefs. Their personal religious behaviors were erratic at best and certainly ambiguous. "I am a sect unto myself, so far as I know," Jefferson wrote of his own religiosity.

Their writings and speeches are all over the map and certainly do not conform to contemporary standards of piety. But whatever they might have been, these men went to some effort to not be categorized into any "box." They had complex motives for doing this, including a desire for personal privacy despite their public lives; a desire to keep their political profiles viable in a religiously heterogeneous nation; a lack of settling on any personal brand of faith during their lifetimes; discomfort with at least some of the loyalties, doctrines and teachings of the available organized churches; and perhaps most of all, a consciousness of the roles they would fulfill in the future as role models for the generations of Americans who would look back on them as heroes and role models.

I think we should respect their wishes. No one should get to claim them.

Our first President would roll over in his grave if he heard people today arguing "You should be a Christian because George Washington was one." He would have wanted you to have made up your own mind, for your own reasons. He didn't fight the war for independence so you could be like him. He fought that war so that you could be free to decide for yourself.

These men did not want to be called "Christians." Neither did they want to be called "atheists." Or "Deists." Or "spiritual." Or anything. We should not call them those kinds of things today.

Therefore, I will not claim these great men as having been fellow non-theists; however, they cannot be claimed by Christians, either. They did not want to be claimed in that fashion by anyone.

They did not want to be branded as anything but "Americans." It is thanks to them that we can call ourselves that as well, and it is thanks to them that we can discuss the merits of religion or irreligion at all. If wish to do these men personal honor, then let us think of them in the manner that they wanted -- which is to say, eschewing religious identification completely. To try and stuff them into boxes to advance one or another perspective on contemporary religious discussions is to do their memories a significant disrespect.

June 8, 2009

Ghostbusters Three

It just won't be the same without Annie Potts reprising her nuanced, subtle role as Janine Melnitz.

(Won't somebody please make this stop?)

Pro-Western Win In Lebanon

It's hard to appreciate just how important this story will be. In a world where politics is polarized not around abortion and gay marriage but rather around secular/western versus religious/insular politics, it's heartening to see democracy working and the Party of God getting set back. It's not a victory for President Obama, it's a victory for the world as a whole, and the causes of peace and tolerance in particular. (Obama does not get a monopoly on those agenda items.)

On the other hand, Lebanon is vastly weaker in terms of military force than either Israel or Syria. In particular, Syria has been known to send in tanks when it doesn't like how Lebanon behaves. Whether the new regime in Syria follows this historical example remains to be seen. And the power of Hezbollah in the southern provinces of Lebanon will not be dislodged by the results of a single election.

Nevertheless, congratulations to the Lebanese and here's hoping for a peaceful, economically prosperous, and ultimately beneficial series of policy steps to re-integrate what could be one of the richest, most prosperous, and most democratic Arab nations.

Unitary Executive Theory Under Obama

You know, I still still haven’t figured out how we get from “There is only one President and all the rest of the executive branch are just extensions of the President and not really independent political actors” to “You can’t ever hold the President accountable for misdeeds and violations of the law in court”. There was only one President in U.S. v. Nixon.

Slip Day

I've been reasonably good about controlling portions and trying to do at least moderate physical exercise pretty much every day. Social events being what they are I've not done so well at reducing alcohol intake, but that hardly seems like something to complain about.

Maybe it had something to do with being startled awake by nightmares, which feels vaguely childish and humiliating. I don't remember what was so scary but apparently I cried out in my sleep loudly enough to wake up both dogs and both cats, and I had absolutely no desire to go back to sleep afterwards even though it was quarter after four in the morning.

Or, it might have had something to do with waiting around for two and a half hours to deal with an utterly meritless ex parte this morning by a pro per defendant -- who read his fourteen-page brief out loud as his oral argument, obviously not even understanding what he was saying.

And, it didn't help knowing that this dude is so rock stupid he's going to follow through on his threat to sue me despite having been sanctioned by the Court for the frivolity of his antics. Well, he'll find that is going to work out very badly for him if he does it. CCP § 425.16 -- I've never lost a motion yet, and I've never been awarded less than $20,000 in fees paid by my opponents for the privilege of having sued my client and lose right out of the starting gate.

Maybe it was waiting around for two hours while the understaffed file room in the courthouse retrieved documents from a new case for me on another matter. And missing lunch while I was doing it.

Maybe it was seeing a motion with an opposition filing deadline of tomorrow that was never calendared and realizing that only by the skin of my teeth had I avoided blowing another deadline in Kern County.

And, it's almost certainly related to knowing that there was enough work at the office that needed to be done today, that I wasn't going to be able to go home until after dark.

But whatever it was, by the time I got out to actually get some food (making myself late for a meeting with a prosepctive client in the process) I was in no mood for a disciplined meal consisting of raw vegetables and light soup. That would be a double cheeseburger, please, with onion rings.

I guess you could call it "slipping."

POSTSCRIPT, 9:30 PM: Four fingers of eighteen-year-old single-malt Scotch from Trader Joe's later (thirty bucks for that, are you reading this, Reynolds?) it is a little bit easier to relax.

June 7, 2009

Read The Article

One of my big gripes about journalism is when headlines are deceptive and do not accurately summarize what is described in the article. Today brings a good example: judging from the headline in this article from the Associated Press ("Alternative Medicine Goes Mainstream"), one might think that "alternative medicine" is gaining significant acceptance by the mainstream medical establishment.

It is not -- at least, not in the sense that any real doctors think it actually does anything. Read the article and you'll see why. Nearly every paragraph in the article contains facts which indicate why you should not use alternative medicines, why big hospitals are irresponsible for offering woo and calling it "treatment," and why the public and insurance premium payers are being bilked by the providers of this woo:
Government actions and powerful interest groups have left consumers vulnerable to flawed products and misleading marketing.

Dietary supplements do not have to be proved safe or effective before they can be sold.

Some interfere with other things you may be taking, such as birth control pills.

...many of these products are made by big businesses.

Ingredients and their countries of origin are a mystery to consumers.

hey are marketed in ways that manipulate emotions, just like ads for hot cars and cool clothes. Some make claims that average people can't parse as proof of effectiveness or blather, like "restores cell-to-cell communication."

Even therapies that may help certain conditions, such as acupuncture, are being touted for uses beyond their evidence.

...more than $2.5 billion of tax-financed research has not found any cures or major treatment advances, aside from certain uses for acupuncture and ginger for chemotherapy-related nausea. If anything, evidence has mounted that many of these pills and therapies lack value.

...some offer treatments with little or no scientific basis, to patients who are emotionally vulnerable and gravely ill. The Baltimore hospital, for example, is not charging for Reiki but wants to if it can be shown to help. Other hospitals earn fees from treatments such as acupuncture, which insurance does not always cover if the purpose is not sufficiently proven.

Health insurers are cutting deals to let alternative medicine providers market supplements and services directly to members. At least one insurer promotes these to members with a discount, perhaps leaving an incorrect impression they are covered services and medically sound. Some insurers steer patients to Internet sellers of supplements, even though patients must pay for these out of pocket.

A few herbal supplements can directly threaten health. A surprising number do not supply what their labels claim, contain potentially harmful substances like lead, or are laced with hidden versions of prescription drugs. [¶] "In testing, one out of four supplements has a problem," said Dr. Tod Cooperman, president of ConsumerLab.com, an independent company that rates such products.

...spending money for a product with no proven benefit is no small harm when the economy is bad and people can't afford health insurance or healthy food.

Cancer patients can lose their only chance of beating the disease by gambling on unproven treatments. People with clogged arteries can suffer a heart attack. Children can be harmed by unproven therapies forced on them by parents who distrust conventional medicine.

at least there are regulatory systems, guideline-setting groups and watchdog agencies helping to keep traditional medicine in line. [¶] The safety net for alternative medicine is far flimsier. ... Some states license certain types, like acupuncturists; others do not.

Some studies suggest that vitamin deficiencies can raise the risk of disease. But it is not clear that taking supplements will fix that, and research has found hints of harm, said Dr. Jeffrey White, complementary and alternative medicine chief at the National Cancer Institute.

The Dietary Supplement and Health Education Act of 1994 exempted such products from needing FDA approval or proof of safety or effectiveness before they go on sale. [¶] "That has resulted in consumers wasting billions of dollars on products of either no or dubious benefit," said [Bruce Silverglade of the consumer group Center for Science in the Public Interest.]

People need to keep a healthy skepticism about that magical marketing term "natural," said Kathy Allen, a dietitian at Moffitt Cancer Center in Tampa, Fla. [¶] The truth is, supplements lack proof of safety or benefit. Asked to take a drug under those terms, "most of us would say 'no,'" Allen said. "When it says 'natural,' the perception is there is no harm. And that is just not true."

I didn't write any of that, it's all from the article. I've quoted 616 out of 1818 words in the article -- more than a third of it. My point is to demonstrate that the headline does not accurately explain the contents of the article, which any reasonable person would read and think to not use alternative medicine.

Now, what would be interesting to learn is just how much money is spent on woo, how much of it is paid by insurers, and how much of it is being paid by the government.

Pseudonymity (UPDATED)

Some bloggers use their full, real names when the blog. I say, good for them that they can do so freely and without fear of overt consequence.

Most of the bloggers who do that are well-established in their careers or are in careers which lack substantial review processes in which one's peers or one's superiors (or worse, one's would-be superiors) have real effects on their real lives. Examples include editorial journalists, self-employed writers, and tenured professors.

I also read a number of blogs that are not political. Culinary-focused blogs, for instance, are a secondary form of advertising for chefs looking to not only share ideas but also to demonstrate their abilities. They are most instructive to the amateur when they discuss experiments that did not go so well as well as their triumphs, but either way they're a good source of ideas. And since these chefs work in a creative industry, unless they air out personal disputes rather than talking about the theory, process and results of their craft, there is no particular consequence to their disclosure of their identities.

Others in the world of blogging, though, do not have these sorts of luxuries. In a lot of professions, forthright expression of oneself on the Intertubes can carry real-life consequences. Case in point, "publius" at Obsidian Wings. Publius is generally a left-leaning blogger; he has undertaken a defense of the Sotomayor nomination recently and of conservatives inveigling against "judicial activism" generally. Having launched a series of critiques of counter-critiques at one such right-leaning blogger, Ed Whelan, he managed to score some points, of varying degrees of penetration. Either individually, or cumulatively, Whelan eventually had enough and undertook the necessary detective work to track down the true identity of his critic, which he then publicized on his own blog.

For all of the above, with very few exceptions, blogging is a hobby and not a profession, job, or even avocation. Despite its "hobby" status, blogging is something done a public forum, indeed, the Internet is probably the most public forum yet created at any time in human history. And people who evaluate others use it to learn things about their evaluees. Publius turns out to be a non-tenured professor at an educational institution. He is rightly concerned that his blogging will be taken into account when he makes his bid for tenure.

I do not include the real name of publius here or links to the real posts -- it should be child's play for anyone interested to find these things with simple Google searches. If you do that, you'll also know that publius used an e-mail account registered to "Edward Winkelman," which is not publius' real name, again for the purpose of corresponding without directly identifying himself.

I do exactly the same thing. I understand publius perfectly.

He wants to get tenure, he wants to have the ability to advance in his profession. Once his blogging identity is known, the blog becomes part of his lexicon. The blog is just a hobby for him; he does not want to offer it as part of his "official" body of work, which in his case is largely academic. Academic work can be quite politicized, as well -- or not, depending on the subject matter.

For instance, an extensive body of academic writing on Article 9 of the Uniform Commercial Code does not necessarily lend itself to "liberal" or "conservative" labels -- at least not easily, and particularly not in the present economic situation in which both liberal and conservative politicians have taken a variety of stances on a variety of issues dealing with the subject matter of Article 9 and the bitter political truth is that no one has a clue about what to do. (If you aren't following why I picked Article 9 for this example, that just goes to show why this area of academic inquiry is not necessarily political in the left-versus-right sense of that phrase.)

Unlike publius, I've not made any person -- particularly any other blogger -- the subject of a crusade. In going after Whelan so hard, publius risked making an enemy out of an object of criticism. Which is not to give Whelan a pass for "outing" publius; that elevated the dispute between the two from a battle of ideas to a personal attack. Perhaps Whelan thinks publius crossed that line first; publius agreed with a characterization of Whelan as:
...the guy Republicans look to when they need to discredit a Democratic legal or judicial nominee. He pores over their record, finds some trivial fact that, when distorted and taken totally out of context, makes that person look like some sort of extremist. Whelan knows this is what he's doing. It's willful. He's essentially a legal hitman, someone who provides the "expert" opinion that the right wing echo chamber then uses as the basis of its attack campaign.
Note, though that publius was not the author of those words; he agreed with and reposted them. He also agreed with and reposted a critique of Whelan by Eugene Volokh, and Whelan seems to have no beef against Volokh. Query, though, as to whether even if this constitutes a personal attack by publius on Whelan, whether "outing" publius' identity was the appropriate response. I think not -- "outing" publius demonstrates to me that Whelan had run out of ammunition with which to defend his previous writings.

Personally, I'm much more sympathetic to publius' situation than to Whelan's. Most of my own friends and family know of this blog and know of my reasons for writing under a pseudonym. I've shared my true identity with a few people who have earned my trust online -- who have proven worthy of that trust. No regular Reader here, despite whatever running disagreements we might have, has undertaken a Whelan-like search to "out" me.

Now, I suspect that a regular follower of this blog could probably do exactly that. There are more than enough clues in these pages for an intelligent, motivated person to track down exactly who I am to a high degree of certainty. If they do, and I'm confronted the way publius was, I'll certainly own my writings; I'm not ashamed of what I've written here. What I'm hoping is that no one ever bothers to do that.

The reason for that is not that I'm ashamed of my writings or that I need to be anonymous to attack anyone. My reasons for writing psedonymously are manifold:
  • I might want to be a judge one day. As a judge, I would need to refrain from personal participation in political issues or from pre-opining on issues which might come before me. While I don't think I've pre-judged any particular issue that I might in theory have to handle as a judge on these pages, some might think I have because I've expressed an opinion.* While I think that I can pretty easily set aside my own preferences and look at the law as it applies to a given situation† some might think otherwise. So it's better and more prudent to establish a separation between my professional work and this blog, which is a hobby.
  • Even if I'm never elevated to the bench -- and right now, with mandatory judicial furloughs caused by the budget crisis and the prospect of judicial salary reductions being imposed as judges are re-elected, that career move appears to have a downside -- I am still a lawyer, charged with representing my clients, and some of them might disagree with my opinions here, and take their business elsewhere because of that. Again, there's no particular reason why my own personal opinions should interfere with my ability to represent my clients,‡ but it's simply more prudent to avoid the issue by, again, establishing a separation between my personal musings and my professional activities.
  • The world is full of creepy, unbalanced people who do weird things. The opinions I address here might cause someone to deem me their enemy or a threat. I don't mind being criticized for my opinions, but I do mind it if someone slashes the tires on my car or threatens me with a gun. I have enough personal risk of reprisals from the hundreds of people I evict in my landlord-tenant practice and regular litigation practice from the people with interests adverse to my clients who demonize me. I don't need any more of that from the blog, which is supposed to be fun.
  • If I'm going to write about ideas and concepts and thoughts, writing under a pseudonym, in my opinion, depersonalizes those ideas. The ideas have to stand and fall on their own merits. If I'm Arnold Schwarzenegger, and I articulate an idea, then that idea comes from Arnold Schwarzenegger. But if I'm Transplanted Lawyer, someone who lacks a face and a real-world identity, then my ideas must either be valid, or not. Pseudonymity forces me to articulate and nuance my idea such that it can stand on its own, free from my own personality, reputation, or identity (whether that would help or hurt the idea's credibility is debatable). So too must critiques of what I write be focused on the content rather than the source.
Now, if you write under your own full, real-life name, good for you. But I do not think that's the right way for me to write. And if you correspond with me, which you're welcome to do, you're likely to get a response that is also a pseudonym. I hope that you'll not be Whelan-like in seeking to "out" my real identity, even if you have the ability to do so -- if for no other reason to avoid making yourself the kind of asshole Whelan demonstrated himself to be.

UPDATE (June 9): Whelan apologized to publius. It was a good apology. Publius accepted his apology, and quite gracefully. Given that, this particular controversy ought to be over. Hopefully the debate continues but the tone between the two simmers down. And I can see a difference between disagreeing with but tolerating another blogger's pseudonymity and "outing" that blogger.


* News flash: every judge on the bench, at every level of the judiciary from Chief Justice Roberts right on down to your local juvenile traffic referee, is a human being, and every one of those human beings have political opinions and preferences. One hundred percent of them. One is not disqualified for judicial office simply by virtue of having, or even expressing, political opinions.

† Example: I favor same-sex marriage as a policy. Nevertheless, I have opined that the recent California Supreme Court decision upholding Proposition 8 was a correct application of law to a particular case, despite the fact that I would have preferred, on a policy basis, to see same-sex marriage reinstituted in California.

‡ Example: I am an atheist. Nevertheless, I have and have had churches and other religious institutions as clients -- for instance, with regards to disputes between the church and insurance companies or contractors. Why not? My lack religious faith has nothing to do with my appreciation of the transaction at issue and the church has as much right as anyone else to have its contracts enforced.

June 5, 2009

Another Literal Video: Total Eclipse Of The Heart

In Which I Disabuse You Of A Variety Of Food Myths

It's difficult indeed to believe that an attorney would actually file a lawsuit in Federal Court alleging that a reasonable consumer would have been confused into thinking that "crunchberries" are an actual fruit that could be purchased in a box of Cap'n Crunch cereal. Now, I see and hear more ridiculous sorts of things in my practice quite often.

Nevertheless, there is only so much apologizing I can do for the legal profession, only so much denial I can of the criticisms of "frivolous lawsuits" because there are some damned silly lawsuits out there. And "Crunchberries" is one of them. Lawyers are supposed to be a safeguard against this sort of thing, not perpetrators of it.

It's advertising, people. You're supposed to be possessed of reasonable intelligence, which might be defined as the ability to understand when a claim is intended to be taken literally and when it's just "puffery." See Coca-Cola Co. v. Koke Co. (1920) 254 U.S. 143 (although there is no cocaine in Coca-Cola, the name is not deceptive even when conjoined in advertisements depicting a coca leaf). See also Hayna v. Arby's, Inc. (Ill.App.1981) 425 N.E.2d 1174 (addressing false advertising challenge to claim that Arby's sold actual "roast beef" as opposed to the salty meat-like film that they actually put in their sandwiches).

Continuing in the same vein:

  • "Grape Nuts" are not actually nuts harvested from grape vines.
  • Nothing in Five Alive fruit juice is actually alive.
  • Chicken of the Sea is made from fish, specifically tuna.
  • There is no blood in a blood orange.
  • Jimmy Dean Sausage is not named for James Dean.
  • Girl Scout cookies are not made from real Girl Scouts.
  • Similarly, shepherd's pie contains no shepherds (and no sheep, either).
  • Mocha Mix contains no actual mocha and was not made in the city of Mocha.
  • Angels do not actually eat angel food cake. Devils do not actually eat devil food cake.* You can buy or make quantities of pound cake which weigh more or less than one pound.
  • Julius Caesar never ate what we today call "Caesar salad."
  • The marshmallows in Lucky Charms possess no magical abilities.
  • "Denver" omlettes can be made anywhere. See also "New York" strip steaks, "New England" clam chowder, and "Philadelphia" cream cheese. But cf. Tequila, Champagne, Parmesan, and Bordeaux, which actually signify geographic origin in their names.
  • Hush puppies are made from cornmeal. And sometimes with little bits of onion, but I don't like them that way. But no dogs or shoes are harmed (typically) in the making of hush puppies.
  • Buffaloes do not have wings. Those come from chickens.
  • Baby carrots are not special miniature carrots, nor are they harvested early in the season before the carrot can become an "adult." There is no such thing as an "adult" carrot.
  • Baby back ribs come from pigs, not human babies.
  • Goldfish crackers do not contain any ingredients derived from goldfish. Similarly, Chick-O-Stick candy contain no products made from chickens, nor is it served on a stick.
  • Bear claws are actually doughnuts.
  • If you are in the United States, Canada, or pretty anywhere but France, the "French Bread" you are eating was not made in France and was unlikely to have been made by an actual French person. Same with "Italian Bread"; see also "German" potato salad, "German chocolate" cake, "Black Forest" cake, "Irish" stew, some "Swiss" cheese, "Spanish" rice, and "India" pale ale.
Let's leave skip the jokes about Alfredo sauce.

Hat tip to Charles at Popehat.

* This is largely because there are no such things as angels or devils. If they did exist, I'm reasonably sure that they both would prefer rich, moist, chocolatey Devil's food cake to dry, tasteless, boring Angel's food cake.

Mandatory Vacation

While some of the commenters to this article act like this was common knowledge, I did not know this fact and I consider myself fairly sophisticated about employment matters. There are lots of reasons for "use it or lose it" policies regarding vacation or PTO, but this was not one that I had ever considered. It makes sense once explained, of course, it's just not intuitively obvious.

Gifting For A Finicky Couple

Gifts are an interesting kind of social contract. When you give a gift to someone else, you make an elaborate show of saying that it is given with no expectation of anything in return, that it is done for a generous motive and as a gesture of friendship and affection. But this is a polite social lie. If the gift is not reciprocated at some point in the future, this is seen as impolite, almost insulting. There must be a return gift. When the return gift is delivered, the social contract is completed, and bonds of friendship and affection are strengthened. If it is not, resentment and tensions grow instead.

Depending on a variety of circumstances which vary from culture to culture, the gift may be of lesser, approximately equal, or even greater value than the first gift. But in functionally every culture and throughout all of human social history, gifts come with the unspoken (even denied) expectation that there will be a return gift.

Enough theory. Here's the practical issue: some friends have invited us to see a play with them tomorrow evening. We enjoy this couple's company but gift protocol is a problem with them because their personal tastes and habits are much more particular than ours.

In characteristic fashion, they have already bought the tickets for the event, at thirty dollars a head. They will not take money from us to repay them for the cost of the tickets. We offered to meet them for dinner, with the idea that we'd pick up the tab for dinner, but they declined that offer.

"Dude, get them a good bottle of wine, already," you might say. "We know you're able to pick out a prince at the BevMo." Indeed, wine is a perfect gift for things like this -- it is easily portable, you can spend any amount of money based on the quality/prestige of the label, and it carried a degree of high-falutin' elegance that makes it a classy gift.

Except this couple doesn't drink at all -- they're complete teetotalers. They're also vegetarians (not vegans), which may be why they're not really in to going out to dinner with us (we will drink and eat meat freely).

So what object might we get them, in the neighborhood of fifty to seventy-five dollars, that would suffice as a return gift for the tickets to the play? They have small, yappy dogs, if that's any help.

Congratuations New Hampshire

After some legislative showboating, New Hampshire adopted same-sex marriages earlier this week. This, again, was done through the democratic process, and substantial exceptions to non-discrimination laws were made concurrent with adoption of same-sex marriage, ostensibly so as to ensure that no religious or fraternal organizations are required to solemnize marriages contrary to their beliefs. The law takes effect January 1 of next year.

Timothy Kincaid at Box Turtle Bulletin points out that as of this week, more than a third of all Americans now live in jurisdictions that provide some level of official recognition to same-sex relationships:
In Kincaid's chart, dark blue indicates full marriage rights, light blue indicates strong civil unions (called "domestic partnerships" in California and Nevada) with only trivial differences to marriage, yellow indicating weaker civil unions offering some, but not all, of the rights of marriage, and gray indicating recognition of same-sex marriages or civil unions performed elsewhere.

Note, though, that the bulk of the other states have statutory or state-constitutional prohibitions against same-sex marriage. Nineteen states, representing a nearly-identical percentage of the population, have constitutional amendments prohibiting not only same-sex marriage but also prohibiting any kind of same-sex civil union.

Rhode Island also recently enacted a very limited recognition of other civil unions, which should shift it into the "yellow" category on Kincaid's chart. To add to the chart, then:



These laws can all be changed, but there's still a lot of work to be done, and it will have to be done changing hearts and minds.

June 4, 2009

The Speed Of Evolution

Guppies transplanted from a predator-free environment to one in which they were potentially food for other animals were able to alter their reproductive output by significant margins within about twenty generations. For guppies, that's only about eight years.

If you find the idiocy of Ray Comfort persuasive, you'll dismiss this remarkable demonstration of evolution in action as a "mere adaptation." But if you take the time to understand that adaptation is evolution, this is all the proof you'll need.

China's Cautionary Example

China is the world's most populous nation. It is an industrialized, nuclear-armed power. Unlike the former Soviet Union, it is a major trading partner of nearly every other industrialized and semi-industrialized nation on the planet. And it is run by a brutal dictatorship that is much more skillful than the former Soviets were at keeping its iron fist invisible to the outside world.

But not today. Not on the twentieth anniversary of the day when the government of the People's Republic of China unveiled its true nature and sent its tanks and infantrymen into the only significant gathering place in its capital city and killed an as-yet unknown number of college students peacefully expressing themselves. The "Gate of Heavenly Peace" became the site of a massacre. That happened June 4, 1989.

On June 4, 2009, Tiananmen Square in Beijing is flooded with police officers, who outnumber tourists. No one can enter the square without being thoroughly searched. No one can take a photograph there without official permission, which today is being granted only reluctantly and to few, if any, people who have serious camera and film equipment. No ne can take a banner or blank paper and art supplies into the square at all. Nor can anyone linger there.

On June 4, 2009, as you read this post from the comfort of your home, likely with the only restrictions on your internet access being those which you have self-selected to shield yourself from the evils of images of people having sex or using foul language, consider how 350 million internet users in the PRC do not enjoy that luxury. Twitter, Flickr, YouTube, Hotmail, Facebook, and a wide variety of other internet search engines, social networking, and other ways to gather information and share ideas have been shut down. There are no town squares, physical or virtual, open in China at all today.

Clever Chinese computer users will do what they can to dodge the government's typically ham-fisted attempts to control the circulation of information. Some will be caught and punished. The leaders of the student movement that caused so much fear in the halls of the People's Assembly and the Central Committee of the Chinese Communist Party twenty years ago have gone their separate ways -- some disillusioned and cynical, some pursuing their idealistic impulses in other ways -- and some of them have been taken into official custody by now, to prevent them from doing anything that might challenge the status quo.

The government has hoped to raise the next generation of Chinese in complete ignorance of what happened, but it is doomed to fail because too many people were there, and personal memories are not so easy to erase as the contents of censored schoolbooks. The result is a generation of young people who are deeply cynical about their own government, which may actually be acceptable to the government so long as they are overtly obedient. Certainly the disinterest in governmental and political affairs, which they share with their generational counterparts in the West, is welcomed by the leadership.

China's promises of reform and freedom are lies. If you are unmoved by the fate of college students who wanted democracy, consider in the alternative what China's government does to Christians and Buddhists who want the right to practice their religions in peace. The same people who sent tanks to kill college students twenty years ago are still running the show there.

Americans and Europeans, be grateful for your freedoms. Not everyone in the world has them. Honor and celebrate your liberty by using it.