Parliament Opens

I absolutely love the pomp and circumstance the British put into their government. We have nothing remotely like it in the United States. It's silly and doesn't really affect anything, but it's fun to watch. No one does ceremony as well as the British.

Today, the Queen fulfilled one of her very few official duties, and opened the new session of Parliament. She went into the House of Lords and read a speech that had been written for her by the new Prime Minister and his minions. We have no real way of knowing if Her Majesty agreed with a word of the speech, nor any particular reason to care.

But the details from the story are great:

Lawmakers are summoned from the Commons by an official known as Black Rod — but only after they slam the door in his face to symbolize their independence.

In another symbol of the traditional hostility between Commons and crown, a lawmaker is held at Buckingham Palace as a "hostage" during the ceremony to ensure the monarch's safe return.

That's awesome beyond description. Oy! Well done, m'lords!

Being the "hostage" in Buckingham Palace probably wouldn't be so bad, at least these days. I imagine the tea service and snacks are pretty good. You know, a step up from those cucumber sandwiches with the crusts cut off. You get to hang out with Prince Phil or maybe with Chuck and Camilla, who I'm sure are brilliant conversationalists. While on its exterior, Buckingham Palace looks like a prison, I'll bet the interior decorations are posh. So you can count on a decent meal in some nice digs. Maybe you can bring the wife and kids with you, give them a special tour, take some photos for the album. And, added bonus, you don't have to sit through a dull speech.

Then, the whole opening of Parliament thing includes a ceremonial insult. Super, super cool. The American equivalent, the State of the Union address, involves nothing so much as a sycophantic and elaborately-scripted hour of what seems like nearly nonstop applause. You know, we like our President and all that (well, not this one, so much, whose polling numbers are now lower than Nixon's were the week before he resigned) but it just isn't natural and it certainly doesn't buttress the idea of separation of powers. Now, if the President showed up to give his speech, and the Speaker directed that he not be allowed on the floor until the Congress voted to let him in, that would be akin to what the Brits have going on every time a new Parliament meets.

Best of all, some guy has the job of being "the Black Rod." How awesome does that look on your resume? The current "Gentleman Usher of the Black Rod" is named Michael Willcocks, a former Lieutenant General in Her Majesty's armed forces; the Black Rod has been a military man continuously since 1920. The potential for gay porn titles is endless. Summoned by the Black Rod. How the Black Rod Got in the East End. The Black Rod Does Manchester United. I could go on, but that's what the comments section is for.